I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
