I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
