i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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