She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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