i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
