Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
