you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
