i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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