so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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