Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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