Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
