When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Success! We fucked roommates!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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