I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
