Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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