The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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