no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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