hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
