my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
