Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
