I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
