I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We are two peas in an std pod
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so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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