don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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