And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
