I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
