somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
