To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
