I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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