Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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