Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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