I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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