Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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