either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
