he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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