Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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