I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't make out with my wife yet
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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