Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
