I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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