So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
