I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
