i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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