How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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