yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
