Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize