You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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