I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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