Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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