It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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