i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No...this little piggys going to the bar
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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