I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
