I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
