Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
