someone threw a dead crab at me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
