On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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