If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize