so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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