I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
