our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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