one two three fourrrrnication!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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