bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
