i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
