The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
