I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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