xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
