You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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