I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
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So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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