p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
