i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
