I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
