Who wears a wallet chain?!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
why is half of my head shaved?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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