I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
