Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
