If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
