Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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