I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
